- A piper. There is currently one on Kijiji offering his services. Alternately, Youtube has a variety of piper videos.
- A volunteer to say the Selkirk Grace (“Some hae meat an canna eat,/ And some wad eat that want it / But we hae meat, and we can eat, / And sae let the Lord be thankit.”)
- Scotch broth or potato soup (Campbell Soup makes both. Try Valu-Mart).
- A haggis, or, as Burns dubbed it, the “Great chieftain o’ the pudding-race!” This is harder, unless you have sheep’s or calf’s offal, suet, and oatmeal, as well as a bag made from an animal’s stomach to boil it in. Though the Healthy Butcher in Kitchener apparently sells it. Alternately, hot dogs?
- Whiskey, oatcakes, and cheese to wash it down. Again, all readily available at Valu-Mart and the LCBO on King Street.
- A volunteer to give a speech to Burns’ memory (Wikipedia, if you must).
- A volunteer to deliver the address to the Lassies.
- A volunteer to deliver the address to the Laddies.
- A volunteer to read/recite more poetry.
- Someone to lead “Auld Lang Syne.”
And you are done! Or check local pubs. It’s a bit like how everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day: everyone is a lover of 18thC Scottish poetry when Robbie Burns Day rolls round.