Faculty Performance Car Review

WIP’s first not-so-high-performance car

English professors drive a wide variety of cars (within the acceptable range of professorial cars): Hondas, Toyotas, VWs, Mazdas, and Nissans. Top models include the Honda Civic, the Toyota Corolla, the Honda Civic, and the Honda Civic. An analysis of car distributions in Lot H will confirm that what is true for English profs is mostly true for other humanities and social sciences scholars. Japanese cars dominate the ivory tower, with only the thin gruel of a few Lincolns, Chrysler minivans, and Ford Tauri reminding us that Detroit was once the glorious Uruk of the automobile empire. Professorial outliers include economists (high end BMWs and Mercedes) and accountants (Subarus, vaguely sporty red Volvos).

The most muscular vehicle in the lot actually belongs to one of our elder statespersons, John North. His BMW K1200 motorcycle is quicker through the quarter mile than any other ride in the lot, with the possible exception of Ken Graham’s candy apple red Honda CRV. The late Paul Beam drove a Porsche 944, but no one has stepped into a model from Stuttgart since his retirement.

Serious cyclists in the English cohort (O’Gorman, Dolmage, MacDonald, McGuirk) and serious walkers (Hulan, Acheson, Gingerich) scorn performance cars altogether.

Marcel O’Gorman’s famous penny-farthing cycle as demonstrated by graduate student Scott Kobewka during Kitchener’s 100th anniversary celebration on June 10. (Dr. O’Gorman himself was riding in a 100k race at the same time.)


6 responses to “Faculty Performance Car Review

  1. Nadine Gingrich

    Because I am a walker and a biker (not serious, just to the university and back) you will not have seen my car in the lot. My Subaru would stand in solidarity with Dr. Lamont’s–not all Subaru drivers are accountants. And, just as an aside, I did at one time own a Gremlin, pictured above. It was a Gremlin X, slightly sleeker than the one pictured and I adored that car. However, when it’s time was up, we replaced it with our first Subaru–a “brand new, blue, ’82 Subaru.” Somehow used 06 blue Subaru doesn’t have the same ring to it.

  2. Then there are the real outliers among us whose vehicles leave the perimeter lot (Lot H is but a distant dream and aspiration!) to be promptly pressed into service hauling horse, hockey, and baseball gear plus the assorted users of same and their entourages throughout the pastoral landscape. I winsomely enjoy passing by the more intellectual car offerings, but I love my big Ford Flex.

  3. Yeah, I park almost exactly halfway between my house and my office. So you probably wouldn’t have seen my 2005 Toyota Echo sedan (54mpg highway!). It’s not even worth driving in to only go halfway.

    So I take the bus in, and walk home. Or I bike. You will see my Lady Cruiser Bike with the wicker basket parked nearish to Hagey Hall.

    If only I could figure out how to carry a latte and bike at the same time — that’s probably a more realistic wish than every getting good coffee on campus.

  4. Fraser Easton

    Also an Echo owner (2002 version), and sometime walker, and, yes, when time-crunched between kids and admin demands, and when I don’t have the car, a too-often patron local cab companies.

  5. I like how you guys included the professors that “scorn” cars in the post. XD
    * scurries away with UPASS card *

  6. Scorner of cars here. Not a faculty member though, but still figured I would add my two cents in favour of the bus. You can read on the bus! I would have thought that would be a selling feature for English professors!

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